World’s Demise In Two Days

There’s a remote chance that the world is going to end this Wednesday. Yep you heard me right. It could be Hasta La Vista, Baby.

(cut to beginning scene of Terminator II that scared the shit out of me in my youth)

As you may remember I reported earlier in the year that a $10 billon dollar particle accelerator dubbed the Large Hadron Collider would soon be activated (or shall I day detonated)? Some folks fear that this contraption may produce black holes that could suck up anything around them (including our quaint little planet). CNN.com reports that these fears had previously prompted legal actions in the U.S and Europe, thus halting the operation of the Large Hadon Collider. That is until…

NOW!

OMG!

(cue a washed up Michael Stipe to center stage please)

*Ahem*

“You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”

On the whole, I’m not too sure how I feel about the World’s obliteration in two days. Sure, I would have preferred to live a longer more full life, but when I really begin to think about it – I can’t see a reason to keep the whole shebang going on for much longer.

Most of us just stuff our faces full of potato chips and vegetate in front of ‘reality’ television anyway. We bitch and moan about gas prices but don’t really care that the planet is slowly suffocating on its own filth. Instead of embracing free thinking we’ve settled for the less distressing mind-fuck that is religious dogma. We have been indoctrinated into a world-wide economic structure that firmly fist fucks us right in the ass if we ever decide to stray from the system. Do we honestly have anything to lose?

So whateves. I say bring it on you big dopey death machine. I don’t think you’ve got the balls!

an ode to no haircuts

This is kind of a semi-serious joke post done in honor of my first haircut in over 365 days. Please bear with me.

Hello there,

It was nearly a year when I last cut my hair. I figured by now I’d have a long flowing mane of dirty blond locks such as this:

Unfortunately, this was not the case. When ones hair is short it seems as if it always needs cut. But when one actually tries to grow out his or her hair, they begin to find it actually grows at the dreadfully slow pace of 1/2″ per month.

This is where I started:

a happy bald man, with 1/8″ of hair. I was definetly satisfied being bald as there was nothing to fuss about. However, something dreadful was happening. Because of my sinister eyebrows and bald hair, people thought I was evil.

Like this guy:

I needed a look that conveyed my “real” personality. I was sick of being approached on the street for crack cocaine. The time had come for a new doo.

About 1 month in:

I have short hair. But in my mind it feels long. At this stage the only thing I can do it spike it up. I have dreams of running through the beach with my hair blowing in the breeze.

About 2 months in:

I’m at Bonaroo in this picture and I remember feeling like I was starting to fit in with the hippies…. I was dreadfully mistaken.

About 4 months in:

Here I am in Tokyo eating some Curry (pre-vegetarian days). It’s been almost 4 months and and my hair is still pretty short. It is beginning to curl up over portions of the ear giving me the illusion that I was a long haired man.

About 6 months in:

By Halloween I realized that this was getting out of hand. My hair still didn’t look very long. I was beginning to discover the beginnings of what my friend once referred to as a pseudo mullet.

About 9 months in:

Finally, sometime in the very early winter my hair began to cover my ears. It began to look a lot better, but was extremely hard to control. I began to now see myself as being a “long hair”. Although this was wrong, it was still the longest I had ever grown my hair out.

The growth continues…. (about 1 year in):

Here is Sara and I, about a month or so from present day. I part my hair on the side because it’s the only way it looks semi-normal.

This Saturday I’m getting my first haircut since growing it out. I feel my experiment has been a success and I’m proud that I had the guts to grow it out as long as I could. I am not quiting my quest for long hair mastery, but I am getting it trimmed a bit so I can quit looking like a cave man and perhaps even get a job when I graduate (gasp!).

money can’t buy me love

There is a new online dating website called Sugar Daddy For Me that now has advertisements on myspace. The basic premise involves young attractive women looking for old rich men, and visa versa. The site even promotes extramarital affairs.

As a whole, the website looks like it was designed by a 7th grader. The layout it cheesy and cluttered, and the pictures are quite stereotypical and ridiculous. Unfortunately in order to view the sugar mommas and sugar daddies one has to make an account. Curiosity got the best of me.

What i found was shocking! Rich men and beautiful women were not actually using the website. Instead there are average half-wits posing as “sugar daddies” (see quote below), and average girls trying to whore themselves out. Interestingly enough there are many more females then men using the dating site, which is very atypical for online dating sites.

“Hi I’m a 5′10″ male that has blue eyes and blondish red hair i work at wal-mart but am trying to get a job in automotive mechanic sense that is what i love to do” – sugar daddy.

I guess the moral of the story is if you’re a ridiculously wealthy male or a stunningly beautiful female, you wouldn’t need an online dating site to satisfy your shallow wants.