Through Nihilism and Beyond

I was never indoctrinated into a faith, so it comes as no surprise that I, even at a very young age, have always understood the absurdity of organized religion. Living my entire life as an atheist also led me down a path of nihilism. This isn’t the dreary jet black path that so many people make it out to be. Heck, it’s not even a path really. It is more or less an innate and fundamental understanding that the only absolute value that a concept, being, or object has is the value that the assignee grants to it. You don’t have to be very intelligent to come across this conclusion, you just have to be somewhat pragmatic, strong-willed, and have had the good fortune of never being initiated into some sort of religious thought control; because then it becomes much harder to “break” through the inconsistencies of your non-logical paradigm.

That being said one fateful evening my somewhat shallow and pseudo-nihilistic world view came to a climax. Without getting into the boring technicalities I had an awakening of sorts; albeit this awakening did not pull me away from my nihilistic tendencies -it did however illuminate an entirely new concept that I had previously never fathomed. You see, words are merely abstractions that inadequately attempt to explain experience. Yeah, you can read about a fiery romance, but unless you’ve ever actually experienced the wrath of love, then you can never fully understand the pleasant (or terrifying) delusions of such an emotion. The same can be said for ego-loss, or loss of self.

At first it was terrifying. Every last strand of my being was attempting to pull itself back together- to assimilate as one again. But it was no use. The self I had known was gone. All that was left were hollow details. It was like reading the biography of a long deceased friend. I was then thrust into an abyss of sorts – a dazzling “bottomless pit” where everything really is everything and the individual goes to perish. It is here that you became me, and I became you. It was so surreal that it became cinematic. It was so cinematic that it became surreal. It was beauty defined. And then, it was over. I was myself again – now the only thing that’s left nearly two years later is a reminder of the day I went to pieces without falling apart.

Before that realization I took an astronomy class in college that was taught in a fairly large planetarium. Each day upon leaving the class I’d gaze up into the sky with the understanding that I was an ant… no I was smaller; I was a grain of sand lost in the vastness of an infinite universe. I am now aware that “I” was wrong. I am not a grain of sand. I’m merely the reflection of an idea. I am nothing… and yet… I am everything. I bet this whole thing sounds absurd. Don’t worry, it is.

something BIG…

is happening in the world of physics. Later this year, using a 10-20 billion dollar particle accelerator genius Arkani-Hamed and his team of scientists will be able to test the viability of the string theory. The article can be found HERE.

If the string theory is indeed proven to be true then it will force us to look at the world in an entirely new light. Essentially this theory supports two interesting findings for the non-scientific people out there – such as myself.

holographic principle: In a larger sense, the theory suggests that the entire universe can be seen as a two dimensional information structure “painted” on a boundary surface, and that the three dimensions we observe are illusory. *source: Wikipedia

theory of everything (TOE): theory of theoretical physics that fully explains and links together all known physical phenomena

Perhaps Buddhists, Hindus and psychedelic drug users were right when they said – reality is an “illusion” and all is one. What does this say about consciousness though?

NOTE: Hopefully some physics savvy people can give me some comments, I’m clearly out of my element on this post (hence all the wikipedia).

^ wa-hay, a Buddhist endless knot